age

a few terrible things about getting older include the follwing and in no particular order. you start seeing other people get or create roles and positions. people have kids get married and start careers in far off places or else commit to wandering ad infinitives. this is especially hard when you live in metalife and can't figure out what is important as regards the direction picking stage.

also, terrible, blacked-out portions of your life (sometimes a year or two long) begin to really come in to crisp focus and, man, there are few pains as terrible as this. lives that you swam in doing backstroke in terrible form are now gelatinizing and soon peanuts will grow in the unflushed walls.

dreams are starting, for this ager, to happen more frequently during lucid periods and with much more power, nausea, and (por supuesto) acumen. imagining oneself at a restaurant covered in luxurious red satin prints only to arise from your table to hear of a new generation to which you have been no more than an impediment now not only haunts one, but leaves one with the desire to place four fingers on the abdomen and ask, "here?" your dining partner, all dressed as you perscribed, looks on disgusted, jealous and is not introduced.

so i'm running. off to a place where spring never dies and the winter is said to be neverending and almost deadly. the upside is this: i've remembered that which was my greatest quality ages ago, and i'll henceforth spit on embarassment.