a cousin returns from the marines

O1** Britt: i got drunk. it was fantastic. and it took like a 6 pack
O1** Britt signed off at 2:22:25 AM.
O1** Britt signed on at 2:22:55 AM.
O1** Britt signed off at 2:38:54 AM.
O1** Britt signed on at 2:40:21 AM.
O1** Britt is away at 2:44:13 AM.
O1** Britt signed off at 2:45:56 AM.
O1** Britt signed on at 9:13:22 AM.
O1** Britt is away at 9:18:16 AM.
O1** Britt returned at 11:47:39 AM.
O1** Britt: i forgot about hangovers

age

a few terrible things about getting older include the follwing and in no particular order. you start seeing other people get or create roles and positions. people have kids get married and start careers in far off places or else commit to wandering ad infinitives. this is especially hard when you live in metalife and can't figure out what is important as regards the direction picking stage.

also, terrible, blacked-out portions of your life (sometimes a year or two long) begin to really come in to crisp focus and, man, there are few pains as terrible as this. lives that you swam in doing backstroke in terrible form are now gelatinizing and soon peanuts will grow in the unflushed walls.

dreams are starting, for this ager, to happen more frequently during lucid periods and with much more power, nausea, and (por supuesto) acumen. imagining oneself at a restaurant covered in luxurious red satin prints only to arise from your table to hear of a new generation to which you have been no more than an impediment now not only haunts one, but leaves one with the desire to place four fingers on the abdomen and ask, "here?" your dining partner, all dressed as you perscribed, looks on disgusted, jealous and is not introduced.

so i'm running. off to a place where spring never dies and the winter is said to be neverending and almost deadly. the upside is this: i've remembered that which was my greatest quality ages ago, and i'll henceforth spit on embarassment.

Scientologists: Magnificient Bastards?

Sanders Alufson
AMERICA

My dad recently put forth the proposition that Scientology is a tax shelter for those involved in its administration at various levels. He's a little bit out there sometimes, but has a pretty much flawless record of pointing out cons and phonies. Lets look at the facts:

First off, L. Ron Hubbard and the IRS have something of a history. Apparently he was skimming millions off the top of his (tax-free) religious organization and this caused the church of Scientology to lose its exempt status for more than two decades. Most of Europe still doesn't recognize it as a real religion. At the forefront of this are the French and German governments. Germany, of course, left itself open to Scientology's Freedom Magazine's attempt to link their oppression to that of the Jews during the third reich, which of course is crap...but i digress. The point is that governing bodies, in charge of looking for these sorts of bigtime scams, all have a suspicious eye cast on the church.

Bear with me, now, for an aside: Famous for involving celebrities of all kinds, scientology is constantly in the news. Besides the normal flakes like Cruise and Travolta, there are some really unexpected names on the list. Quick look: Seinfeld, Neil Gaiman, Placido Domingo, Chick Corea...and you might be thinking to yourself, well these are big celebs, and celebrity drove them nutty. This almost universally pervasive sentiment, however, is making shrewd TV producers all kinds of ad revenue, and is probably what Scientology is deriving the most profit and protection from. Are they all Xenu devotees? Maybe thats just what they WANT YOU TO THINK.

The church has been quite upfront about the fact that it actively courts celebrities. This of course, is supposed to be a way to "get the word out." Think about it in another way, though: celebrities make a lot of money, but they also SPEND a lot of money. In many ways, a celeb's lifestyle is part and parcel of their success and marketability. The point is, they don't sock it all away, and the entertainment industry isn't renowned for its retirement packages. How do you keep a constant cash flow to the end of your days? How about this: give all your money to a religious organization through donations, and then become an employee. Its an immediate tax rebate, and then any money you recieve from a tax exempt organization is...you guessed it! Tax-free!!! Example: Scientology ain't cheap. Moving up in OT levels can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. So, if I'm Tom Cruise, I give Scientology all of my income, they wash it clean of any taxes, and pay it back to me as I need it.

So the last question is, why are they so constantly grubbing for the spotlight in the press? Its back to that super-popular public perception of Hollywood lunacy. If idiots like Cruise and Hayes can keep Scientology in the new-age marginalia along with Ramtha and Hollywood bullshit-Kabbalah, who's going to question it? "Oh, that's just something those nutty celebs do, Martha. Don't even pay attention." Tons of things keep it in this vaccum, too: rumors of target-recruiting children, brainwashing, and, of course, the real-life scandal of Lisa McPherson.

I'm not claiming that every little thing that makes these people look like wackjobs is a part of a highly choreographed, well oiled conspiracy machine. Just the opposite: all Scientology's organizers need to do is maintain the attitude that they always have maintained, of aloofness and cultishness, and the majority of Americans won't read very much into it. There are plenty of people on the internet and in the public eye who are wackjobs-in-ernest and will spend years debating the religion itself and the dangers of this terrible facist cult.

Meanwhile, the upper echelons of the actual organization laugh all they way to the bank. Personally, I think Deion Sanders, Randall Cunningham, and Ma$e did this all a little more tactfully, but I'll leave those conclusions up to you, ladies and gentlemen.


Sanders Alufson is a freelance journalist, and frequent contributor to CAW
salufson at gmail.com

1

did you ever have a headache stretch itself in a thin coat all over your whole body

its running down between my shoulder blades and honestly i think its only going to get worse when it hits my feet